Inside Men’s Minds

Men in Ballito are increasingly seeking psychological help, with some now even initiating marriage counselling; a shift that points to changing attitudes around mental health and masculinity.

Ballito-based psychologist Grahame Hayes says the long-standing stigma around men accessing therapy is easing. For generations, they were socialised into the idea that vulnerability equalled weakness, discouraging emotional reflection. Grahame, however, has seen a marked increase in men willing to engage and confide in therapy. He notes that more men are now taking the lead in seeking marriage counselling, reflecting a broader shift in relationship dynamics. Couples are communicating more, and partnerships are becoming less rigid. They are also more involved in their children’s lives and less likely to shut down emotional expression, breaking from patterns seen in previous generations. While some men feel the absence of strong male role models, Grahame says this often motivates them to take a different approach in their own lives.

In Ballito’s relatively affluent context, the pressures men face differ from those in other parts of South Africa. While unemployment and retrenchment are major stressors nationally, many locals are business owners or professionals. Their anxiety is tied to economic uncertainty – the pressure to sustain income and maintain success in an unpredictable market. This financial pressure often carries into personal relationships, contributing to conflict and, in some cases, prompting individuals or couples to seek therapy. Grahame also observes differing expectations across racial lines. He says white men tend to accept that they must make it on their own, while successful black men often feel scrutiny and pressure to avoid mistakes.

The COVID-19 lockdown further exposed underlying relationship dynamics. With people confined to their homes, long working hours could no longer mask avoidance. In some cases, relationships strengthened; in others, they deteriorated.

The mental health triad

Grahame identifies three primary issues among his male clients: anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Anxiety is frequently linked to performance pressure, particularly around work and financial stability. Many men worry that they are not doing enough to sustain their businesses and meet expectations. Marital strain can compound this, especially when long or irregular working hours affect family life.

Depression, Grahame says, is often tied to a midlife crisis. Some men feel unfulfilled, questioning their career paths and searching for greater purpose. Parenting pressures have also evolved. Beyond providing basic needs, fathers are now navigating complex challenges such as digital exposure and their children’s emotional wellbeing. He adds that they often endure these struggles for extended periods without seeking help. Depression can go unaddressed for years before reaching a point where intervention becomes unavoidable.

Substance abuse is another concern. Grahame reports seeing a number of patients who turn to alcohol, cannabis or cocaine as a way to self-medicate. In many cases, this behaviour masks underlying anxiety or depression that has not been addressed. However, if anything, he says, the growing willingness of men to seek help suggests a shift that may redefine what strength looks like in the years ahead.